My Internal Dialog by Salvia

More thoughts on love and sex, sex and love

My post yesterday about “Love and Sex, Sex and Love” challenged me to put more thought into the topic. Beyond the theoretical “what if” type of discussion; really, what are my true thoughts on the topic.

For the longest time I looked at sex, and sexual activity, to be linked with emotion. If I did not have an emotion connection with a person, I sure didn’t want to have a physical connection with the person. There were plenty of sexual opportunities I passed up simply because there was no emotional connection. In all cases the women were very attractive, but something was lacking so I didn’t act.

After I ended a long term relationship (about 5 years) I was looking at the world through a different set of glasses. I started to realize that sex can just be sex; emotion didn’t have to be the driving factor. However, in order for this to be the case, both parties involved need to be on the same page, have the same understanding, that any physical activity is just a good time and that emotion is not playing into the equation. If this common understanding is not held by both parties, then you run into a situation where one of the individuals can get hurt.

So, what do I want? Frankly, I look forward to the day when I’m love mad, when I’ve found the person I can completely open up to. I desire an intimate relationship with someone I love, one where we both have the ability to explore all of our desires. I mean, isn’t that part of the fun? Learning and understanding what your lover wants, and then giving it to them?

What happens if I do find the person I can share and explorer with, and what happens if ( a few years down the road) it turns out that that connection is growing weaker? Do I then face that question of cheating? For me, NO, it’s about communication. I would address the topic to make sure she knows what I am thinking and feeling.. to make sure she understands where I am coming from and what I need. Essentially, I would have what I consider a ‘healthy’ relationship at that point.

In the end, I am not going to force it. I would much rather just fuck with someone and who expects nothing than be in a relationship that is unfulfilling and have OK sex.

As for others, as for what the rest of the world does? I truly don’t care and no one should. These are questions we all need to figure out.


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